Dear x,
Merry Christmas/Happy Birthday! (delete as appropriate). You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Holy! Moly! You are a good and responsible x-year-old boy/girl and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract.
I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man/woman that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.
I love you madly and look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.
- It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?
- I will always know the password.
- If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever
- Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night and every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
- It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
- If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
- Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
- Do not text, email, facetime, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
- Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
- No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person – preferably me or your mother.
- Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
- Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear – including a bad reputation.
- Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
- Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO – fear of missing out.
- Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
- Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
- Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
- You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and in an ever-changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone.
Dear x,
Merry Christmas! You are the proud new owner of an iPhone. Holy! Holy! It’s your turn already – for a phone, for a contract, for the great teachings of balance, the value of going slow in the fastest of times. We arrived here together so quickly that if I wasn’t careful, I might not notice how suddenly you stand before me almost eye to eye, how your face has thinned and your spirit has grown certain. I might forever think of you as the little brother – adorable and not quite ready – needing shelter instead of wings. So here it is: my offering of
trust, an acknowledgment of the good, kind, smart young man you are becoming and access to one of the greatest tools on Earth. What will you make of it? How will you use the connection to enhance your life – to make it easier, to make it better for others, to learn, to create, to explore and expand? I’m excited to find out. I love you deeply and truly. There’s not a device in the world that can change what we’ve got going.
Let’s do this.
- This phone is a privilege, not a right – need and want are very different things. I gave it and I can take it away. It really is that simple.
- Expect to show me and tell me and make it part of our world. Your digital life will not exist in isolation.
- You’ve got to do your part. Take care of it. Breaks, cracks,water, sand and disappearances are all at your expense. Chores, family contributions and a general level of cooperation are required to support the ongoing cost as well. No surprises here.
- You want to download it? Get permission. You want to buy it? Pay up.
- 8:00pm shut down on weeknights and 10:00pm on weekends. You need to recharge too. *It doesn’t go to sleepovers unless otherwise discussed.
- It stays home from school unless an alternate plan is predetermined. Talk to your friends in the hall and at lunch IRL. Don’t let a screen come between you and the magical madness of middle school.
- What you text, post and share is YOU. Make sure your online and offline personalities match. The screen does not excuse mean. You do it, you’ve got to own it.
- No taking videos or pics of unsuspecting people. No vids or pics in the name of humor at the expense of another human. Siblings included. Parents too. Always get permission to post.
- I did not increase my monthly expenses for you to have unlimited access to sex, violence and the endless rabbit hole of searching and scrolling. Go on: Get up. Go out. Make good use of your time. It’s a life skill.
- Express yourself and embrace access to information. Find causes and creations and communities that bring you closer to all the things you love and let curiosity lead you to all of the interests that are yet to be.
- Don’t be afraid to be silent. To not comment. To not respond. To leave a conversation. To block. To delete. To unfollow. Sometimes choosing not to participate takes the most courage of all. Be selective in the fires you fuel.
- You always have a choice in how you use this iPhone. That’s part of the gift, the freedom to decide how the technology will work best for you. Sneak, lie, cheat, fake won’t serve you and I’d love to protect you from finding that out for yourself. But since I can’t, know this: how you show up online matters and influences and impacts. Use that power wisely.
- Don’t stop visiting your grandparents or playing pick up games in the yard with the neighborhood kids or lingering over the dinner table with us or meeting your friends for pizza without a plan. These are the things that make a childhood – that make a life – and they should never have to compete with your phone.
- Pause long enough to look up from your phone and into the eyeballs of others to say please and thank you whenever possible.
- The world has consequences beyond the rules of our own family. That’s the reality for lots of things. Be responsible. Be accountable. Be resilient. Be forgiving to yourself and others. But always get after it with a true heart and the best intentions and the world will consistently work in your favor.
- You won’t always get it right. You will stumble and lose your way. I get it. Dad gets it. We don’t have to like it. But we can handle it. You are surrounded and loved and held up by the most beautifully imperfect people. On the Internet and in life: You are never alone. We’ve got you.
Oh, x. Let this phone be a part of your life in a way that is good and fun and useful. Take your time. Take deep breaths. Imagine yourself in the shoes of others as often as you can. Know that you are full and whole and complete regardless of likes and followers – you are already the definition of quality. Be healthy and active and live fully both on and away from the screens. Determine when you need to stand up for what’s right, walk away from what’s wrong, or ask for help when you’re unsure. And if the only thing you decide to do is be yourself, then life online just got a whole lot better
